What is "Self-esteem"?

The subject around which I will be ruminating today is, "self-esteem." Self-esteem and the human-potential-movement are intertwined. However, what I consider a corrupted understanding of what self-esteem emanates out of has done great damage to our child-rearing methods, over the last half-century in particular.

In this blog I will be focusing on the misconceptions, and will discuss what true self-esteem is in my next blog.

According to Wikipedia,

Self-esteem is a term used in psychology to reflect a person's overall evaluation or appraisal of his or her own worth. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs (for example, "I am competent" or "I am incompetent") and emotions such as triumph, despair, pride and shame. Self-esteem can apply specifically to a particular dimension (for example, "I believe I am a good writer, and feel proud of that in particular") or have global extent (for example, "I believe I am a good person, and feel proud of myself in general").

A problem with this definition is that it contains within it a negative evaluation or lack. It also indicates "pride" as a factor in such self-esteem.

Self-esteem also has nothing to do with beliefs about the self as such, which usually arise out of programming and indoctrination, as well as early, dysfunctional family situations. It also has nothing to do with negative emotions, which frequently arise out of belief systems, as well as early, dysfunctional family situations. Oh, and, "Pride"? Isn't that supposed to be one of the, "seven deadly sins"? And, also, what, "goeth before the fall"?

The dictionary gives variations of: "to regard highly or favorably," and "regard with respect or admiration," as to the meaning of "esteem." The possibility of a "self" esteem only arose with the human-potential movement.

Approximately two generations of individuals in this society have been raised by the child-psychologist's precept that a child should be raised in such a way as to give him or her a sense of self-esteem. This was to be done by giving the child parental approval of everything the child did, with toleration or ignoring of any negative behavior.

I mentioned in an earlier blog of how the society is now reaping the results of this method of upbringing--young people who think that everything that adults had earned over a lifetime, was theirs as a right, just for existing. Examples of the products of this type of upbringing are that their wants are catered to; their displeasure is to be avoided, and they are to be showered with the best of everything--new cars, expensive "in" clothing, video-game machines, their own TV, cell phones, (and whatever new communication device is put on the market), specially prepared foods, etc., etc.

Self-esteem does not arise out of people telling you how wonderful you are, nor does it come from admiration for some attribute. Mind you, this is a step up from "breaking a child's will being the responsibility of the parents," which was prevalent in the Victorian era.

These methods of child-rearing, introduced by the "specialists" in child-psychology and development are, in themselves, a form of indoctrination, creating self-centered and selfish, (formerly called "spoiled") children. Whether this educational/psychological theory was deliberately introduced, for nefarious reasons, cannot be established, but it also has fed into the "need" to give children Ritalin to tamp them down in school.

You do not correct a situation, such as Victorian child-rearing, or "spare the rod and spoil the child" beliefs, by turning it "on its head," however. This is akin to, "throwing the baby out with the bath water," approach which many have chosen regarding a "loss of belief," in something or other.

What actually prompted this blog was reading an article on child-rearing practices by John Rosemond, a reformed Child Psychologist, trained in and a former promoter of, the principles I have been discussing here. To quote him:

Research done by a number of objective folks, most notably Roy Baumeister at Florida State University, has clearly shown that high self-esteem is closely associated with anti-social inclinations. Unfortunately, it has taken more than a decade for the research in question to bridge the gap between academia and popular culture. At this writing, two generations of parents were persuaded to devote themselves to creating child-rearing environments that were rich in praise and reward but lacking in reality, elevating their children to idol status in the process.

(Albuquerque Journal, D2, 9/23/10)

Unfortunately, Mr. Rosemond has retained his indoctrinated understanding of the meaning of, "self-esteem."

If one wishes pictorial examples of the result of this child-rearing, one only needs to read the "comics" section of newspapers, (or online) to view examples of the current situation as to what today's "normal" family relations are, with relatively few, brief, instances of sane behavior depicted. Just look for any cartoon depicting children and adolescents, with the exception of "Peanuts" which used to be a cartoon about adults, disguised as children. (Current "Peanuts" cartoons are diluted versions of the original cartoons.)

With this society now including the second generation of "adults" having been raised following this miss-guided advice, it is little wonder one hears of young parents, of young children, being found indulging in their personal vices with total disregard for their child's welfare, not to mention deliberate abuse. This has led to many of them giving over these responsibilities to their parents, who will, with few exceptions, raise them the same way they raised the parents of those children. A corollary is the extreme examples of public, inter-personal physical abuse and stalking behavior being exhibited by supposed adults.

Gladly leaving this aspect of accepted ideas about "self-esteem."

Shirley Gallup