Having a Non-traditional Holiday Season

In today's blog, since it is "traditionally," the main time of the year people in the Western world give gifts, and think of ways to please those close to them, as well as those not so close, I want to ruminate on the Programming we have around this Season, as well as on thinking of ways to please oneself.

One only need to have read, or watch the news, regarding the craziness displayed on the most recent "Black Friday," to see how distorted this, seemingly, positive seasonal ritual has been perverted by the commercial purveyors of goods. Additionally, A number of stores opened, for the first time, on Thanksgiving Day.

As to individual efforts to please and honor others in a non-commercial way: an example is a letter someone sent to an advice columnist to ask for advice on how to respond to a friend who had sent her a small check, "so that she would be able to send a commercial Christmas Card to friends and family this year." The previous year, she and her daughter had put in a great deal of time and effort, (not to mention money) creating hand-crafted, personalized Christmas Cards. After receiving the check, she contacted other people to whom she had sent the hand-made cards, for their opinion. Apparently, without exception, those questioned had not appreciated her, and her daughter's, efforts and agreed with the "friend's" opinion about her cards.

Our Programming and Indoctrination is so strong, for many people, that this, once, holy time has been turned into a commercial bonanza for retail stores, and they intend to keep it that way.

The social pressures are also extremely high at this time, resulting in many people extending themselves, both financially and socially, to the breaking point. It is important, if you wish to learn about yourself, to pay attention to what those pressures are, and to decide if you want to continue to be Programmed in those ways.

As to "gifting" ourselves at this time, a main conditioning many of us have had is to put other people before ourselves; that to think about our own needs first is selfish. The psychological professionals know that this time of year--from Thanksgiving through the New Years--is very difficult, and a time of depression, for many people.

Many years ago, I was doing group therapy with single women during the holidays. The women in the group expressed their unhappiness with the fact that they were not likely to have a traditional Holiday Season, with friends and family. I explained to them that they, as single mothers, were not a small minority, who could not look forward to a traditional time with family and close friends, that they were part of the majority. Even back then, in the '60's, people who were part of "traditional families" were very much in the minority.

My suggestion was that they find ways of celebrating the Holidays by creating new families, by bringing together, and joining with, others to celebrate the season in new non-traditional ways. I am happy to say that many of them did just that.

If you allow your Programming to dictate how you feel, and how you choose to honor your relationships at this time of year, the odds are that that is how you live your life all year long. You can do your part to change this, by refusing to participate in the craziness, regardless of what others might think of your efforts.

If you feel yourself being pulled back into Programmed and Indoctrinated ways of being during this time of year, examine where this Programming comes from. Much Programming is disguised as "tradition." More and more people are choosing to create new kinds of traditions, some incorporating neglected older ways, such as making hand-made gifts, why not be one of them?

One way of gifting yourself in this season is to celebrate in ways that make you feel good about yourself and your life. And, if possible, give yourself a nice present; something you really like. Also gift yourself by doing things you want to do, and spending time in ways you like, without feeling guilty about taking time to be good to yourself.

As I have written in recent Blogs, every cell of our bodies resonates to what we are experiencing and feeling. The better, happier, you feel, as opposed to how stressed you are, at this time of the year, will be appreciated by every cell of your body.

And so, I end today's blog.

Shirley Gallup