How We, "Identify"

In today's blog, I want to ruminate further on the human propensity to "identify." We identify by applying names/labels to things, people, aspects, etc.. etc. We also identify by attaching ourselves to the names/labels. Group labels also, "identify" who we are, and by which we become identified. Such labels are an integral part of our Belief Systems.

Further, we identify by association--"the map is the same as the territory," and we generalize--the name of a perceived aspect sums up the whole person; and we believe our perceptions and the way we have "identified" someone, and projected it onto that person, is a true reflection of that person.

How many of us can truly say that we, "see" anyone--someone we know, or a stranger--without having put a label on them as a way of identification. Some of our labels for people we don't know are: male/female/gay; old/young, pretty/handsome, big/small, fat/thin, and on and on in our minds.

I have discussed in a past blog about the first four seconds being the pivotal point when meeting a new person. If you can train yourself to not put such labels on the new person, but, instead, consciously think positive thoughts about that person, you can positively influence the following interactions between you.

The projection, (label) we put onto those we have come to "know" somewhat better, or intimately, is the person you have experienced in the past. This is a major reason it is so difficult to change relationships; once we have applied a collective image, (label) onto someone, it is very hard to put it aside, and really see that person anew.

Such identification is a, "judgment." We have made a judgment about someone, which becomes the identifying label for that person. If the judgment is repeated often enough, the person judged may well take on that judgment as part of their identity; positive or negative.

Generally, to try to, "make a fresh start" it is necessary to remove yourself from that social milieu, i.e., "get out of town." If, however, we have accepted that label as part of our self identification, it is much harder to change, no matter where we go.

This human propensity is the other side of our projecting a "persona," or mask we have taken on, out to the, "world"--those with whom we come into contact--as being a true representation of who we are.

The masks we put on, to get through our lives, become our "true identities" through repetition. If we try to change some habitual way we interact with others, we learn how much we have identified with that behavior. The awareness of this was brought-home to me when I was being trained in Gestalt Therapy. (Training was done by participating in the Gestalt Therapy Process.)

In a training session, one of the trainees was, "in the Hot Seat," (the focus of attention). (The individual smiled a great deal at inappropriate times.) The trainer asked him why he was smiling, and pointed out that it appeared to be habitual. The trainee tried to explain the behavior, to no avail. The trainer assigned him the task of not smiling; that he should refrain from smiling during his social interactions, in order to try to become fully aware of when and why he smiled.

It is no wonder there is so little true, honest personal exchange between individuals in our Society. To restate: not only do we project our labels onto those with whom we interact, but we, consciously or unconsciously, have put on various masks which we project out to the world as being true representations of who we are, and what we are feeling.

Unfortunately, this way of relating to each other is the norm, and is probably something that is not likely to change very much anytime soon; however, we can attempt to become aware of this kind of interpersonal dynamic, with those we care about.

So, I end today's blog.

Shirley Gallup