More on Being "Normal"

In these blogs, I have ruminated on what it means to be, "normal" several times, because the desire to be, "normal" is so powerful. Additionally, there is much peer pressure to fit in with the social group to which you wish to be included. This begins from our earliest years, when the "group" is our family; as we get older, the group is usually those, "most popular" in school.

Being different than that group, has, over the years, becomes increasingly more and more important, in that, to not be accepted by the dominant group, can result in extreme behavior. Such behavior can, and has, resulted in kids killing other kids, just to have some item that person is wearing, or committing suicide over being ostracized. Now with the, "social networking" devices available this pressure has escalated even further.

Such pressure, in early life, to fit in sets the psychological stage for the rest of one's life. Those who experience themselves as different from other people at an early age, tend to be the more sensitive and aware members of our society, in that they have not numbed themselves to the point that they do not experience anything which is not suppressed.

This suppression happens in many, "normal" families, as well as those who grow up in dysfunctional family situations. We learn to suppress other-than-normal experiences and feelings by the reactions invoked when we have expressed them. Only those children, who grew up in exceptionally open and aware families, were likely to be encouraged to express themselves, or whose parents were themselves not preoccupied with the need to be, "normal." A major factor in what was, or was not, considered "normal," were earlier rigid gender roles. Gender expectations have become less rigid over the years, but their Programming still affects adults of all ages.

Because what we personally have experienced in growing up within our families has been accepted as, "normal" few feel the need, or desire, to really look at those memories. Family life, back, say 30 years-or-more ago, was much different than now. Examining, in light of who we are now, what one can remember of one's early years can be painful, but can help to free one up to make further changes.

What most individuals perceive to have been a, "normal" upbringing frequently has very little to do with what one might wish were actually the norm. Even in the most, "normal" of families, many variables, such as: family cultural and religious beliefs; one's parents' upbringing experiences; ones family's perceived social/financial level; where one falls in the family order--first, second, youngest, etc.; one's parents' interpersonal relationship; as well as the area of the country raised in, including whether rural, small town, small city, large city, etc., etc., all played a roll in how you were raised--Programmed.

Examining each of these factors in your own personal upbringing, can bring greater understanding of how you interact with others in your life currently, as well as extended families. Few are really satisfied with their social interactions and relationships; fewer still have any understanding as to why they react as they do in various circumstances. Only by devoting personal time and energy to uncover the indicated, "roots" to our behavior, will we be in a better position to make positive changes.

With that suggestion, I end today's blog.

Shirley Gallup