It is Never Too Late

In this blog I plan to ruminate around our expectations regarding our relationships with others, as well as those in regard to ourselves. Also, around the idea many have that it is, "too late," to create changes in the direction one's life has taken. In other words, the benefits of giving ourselves and others, "a little slack," in life.

What made me start thinking along this path was remembering a joke line that I like, it is, "There was a man, who was looking for the, 'perfect woman,' and he finally found her, unfortunately, she was looking for, 'the perfect man'!" There may be, "perfect" men, as well as women, in the world, but, if we are lucky enough to fall in love with someone who is fairly compatible with our foibles and ways-of-being-in-the-world, we are probably far better off than if we had found someone who we perceived as, "perfect."

There are, of course, "perfectionists" in this world, who hold themselves up to an impossibly high standard, and who rarely, "cut themselves any slack," if they fall short of that standard. It is one thing to continue to grow and evolve throughout life, learning new skills, and improving and developing as an individual as a goal, and another to sit in judgment of the self, when some goals are not met.

In the Far East it is a Belief that, as only God is perfect, to expect perfection in ones own endeavors is arrogance. As a result, artists and craftspeople who follow this Belief, always create a flaw of some kind in their finished work, as a sign of humility.

In my last blog, I wrote about beauty, and whether it is in, "the eye of the beholder." Similarly, while there exists ideal beauty, in life, for all practical purposes, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder"; "perfection" is also, necessarily, in the "eye of the beholder." An individual's standard of perfection for the self, can only be fulfilled in the view of the self, no one else's' opinion is asked for, or wanted.

In actuality, when something external to ourselves is "perfect" in our view, it is something that, "fits in" with our expectations of what we want. Such expectations of inanimate objects or something we have created can be fulfilled, at least some of the time; such expectations of independent living things is another story indeed. While shaping other living things to our desires has been going on for a long time, when it is another person whom one is attempting to shape, conflict is likely to result.

It seems that a week does not go by when one does not read about the disastrous results of such attempts to get others to shape themselves to our expectations. Frequently, such conflict is the result of the other individual having attempted to shape their persona to be acceptable to another person's expectations, initially. Any effort to present oneself as anything other than what one currently believes is true about oneself, can only result in resentment all the way around.

Unfortunately, what we, as individuals, are capable of achieving in life, and our ability to change, is generally greatly underestimated. Once again, I come to the poster, which I saw in the '60's, that said: "Unfortunately, I had lived most of my life before I discovered it was a "do-it-yourself-job!"

Those who realize this truth early in life are fortunate; they have allowed themselves time to pursue self-growth and work on many life-skills as they grow older. However, as another saying goes, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life," so, "cut yourself some slack," and find some way in which you can add to your enjoyment and appreciation of the rest of your life.

With that encouragement, I end this rambling blog.

Shirley Gallup